From Holiday Hell to Holiday Heaven in 7 Words by Gillian Dearnley
Vacations are an essential break from our daily routines, a chance to relax and spend some quality time with family and friends. We often book them months in advance and look forward to them with mounting anticipation. As the leaving date approaches we buy maps, decide on routes, plot sightseeing itineraries etc. But holidays can bite, and when they do the frustration and disappointment may be immense. So what can we do to avoid this?
The answer lies in a combination of forward planning, self-knowledge and luck! Here's my 7 point guide to holiday happiness after 20 years of arranging holidays for clients and my own family. My thinking is based on the "7 Words" philosophy of James Burgess, a problem-solving strategy which proposes that all human behaviour can be understood in terms of 7 primary words – No, Hello, Thanks, Goodbye, Please, Sorry, Yes.
1. Make a sound choice of vacation destination based on the make-up of your party. There simply has to be something for everyone or sparks will fly. Reject any options which are incompatible with the individual members of your group. For example, isolated farmhouses and bored teenagers don't mix. Similarly, toddlers and young babies can't handle long transfer times from the airport in scorching temperatures. (NO)
2. Remain open to all possibilities and discuss them thoroughly with your party members. Ensure that everyone has their say and listen well. Find out what it is they really want from the vacation. Exchange ideas and encourage a spirit of compromise, of give-and-take, as this will serve you well on days when things don't go to plan. (HELLO)
3. Think closely about the individuals involved, their personalities, their strengths and their weaknesses. In large family groups there is usually a well-established pattern of interaction and behaviour. There's often someone who likes to take the lead and be in control, and someone else who feels "put –upon" – perhaps because he/she is doing all the cooking! Try to ensure that everyone feels valued. If the more elderly members of the party need more rest or wish to skip an excursion, let them do this. If a mother is taking on more than her fair share of the child-care, give her a break. Ensure that everyone's efforts are appreciated. And if things do go wrong – try to make the best of the situation. (THANKS)
4. When it comes to decision-making, it is important that everyone understands that there is no going back. Once the destination is decided upon, the holiday is booked and the bags are packed, it is time for everyone to relax and enjoy the ride – even if it was not exactly what they had in mind. Encourage people to try something new, but acknowledge that everyone has their own boundaries. If a day-trip to the beach is planned but Auntie doesn't feel up to it, there is no point in her going under duress and moaning constantly about the heat. In these circumstances, it's better that she doesn't go at all – and that her decision is respected. There is so much friction on holiday caused by people feeling they have to do what is expected of them rather than what they really wish to do. (GOODBYE)
5. Create a vision of what you want to achieve from your holiday and go for it. Is it primarily relaxation or adventure? A chance to deepen existing relationships or build new ones? A voyage of discovery or a return to old haunts? Work hard within your group to make sure that everyone gets what they want out of the trip. Cooperate with each other to make the most of every situation. (PLEASE)
6. When we spend more time in the company of friends and family than we are used to, it can be difficult to put up with each other's foibles. In a confined space – say a holiday villa where party members are sharing rooms – such problems can be magnified out of all proportion. Petty jealousies can rise to the surface and ruin the atmosphere. Even the holiday itself can be jeopardized if certain members decide they are not speaking to each other before the trip even starts! It is important in these circumstances that someone is big enough to say sorry, and to act for the good of the group as a whole. Taking responsibility for a careless comment or a moment of thoughtlessness goes a long way. (SORRY)
7. And if all else fails … learn to accept what you cannot change. Go with the flow. Surrender to the wishes of the majority. It's often the way to ensure harmony. If you are lucky, you won't need to make many compromises. (YES)
So there you have it. From Holiday Hell to Holiday Heaven in 7 Words.
Copyright Gillian Dearnley 2006.
Gillian Dearnley is the owner of One Stop Italy, a company which arranges self-catering vacation accommodation throughout Italy. Visit her website at http://www.onestopitaly.com/ and browse the online catalogues with over 2000 accommodation possibilities. James Burgess is the author of the "7 Words" philosophy for life-changing strategies – visit http://www.7words.co.uk/ for details of online questionnaires, e-books and courses.